I am Golem:
driven, strong, obsessive.
I am Sméagol:
playful, happy, careless.
We argue now, myself and I.
My heart and my head.
When did one become master
and one left for dead?
Was it when mom died
and I became she?
Was it after I married
with more responsibility?
Or maybe when life
was no longer my own.
When the baby arrived
and I had to stay home.
No. It was none of these.
It was when “success” found me.
Little by little,
it called out my drive.
And little by little,
I felt less alive.
The change was so slow,
can’t pinpoint when it happened.
But it did just the same.
The world quietly blackened.
There was no battle,
just slow and steady change.
Oh, but now is so different:
There’s a war that we wage.
The time has now passed
to cling to the reigns.
“Let go now,” I say
to both sides of my brain.
Let go of obsession.
Let go of the pride.
Let out the laughter.
Let light spill into life.
Light emerges a bit,
Gets dragged back down.
But doesn’t surrender to darkness.
This time it must win.
The battle goes on,
Each getting sucked under.
The light continues to grow
Brighter and brighter.
One day soon,
this will all end.
One day soon,
I’ll be my own friend.
We will not stop
‘Till we no longer pretend
That “Sméagol is FREE.”
It’s the other who’s dead.
If today were a song
RUNNING by NF
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